found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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