Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
