Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
