frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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