if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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