i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
