On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
