so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
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Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
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you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.