Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP