i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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