You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?