i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
