I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
