First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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