Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
