He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
