Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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