They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
