mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
