Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
