OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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