Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
