Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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