I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
