I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
