Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
