is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
