So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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