Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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