Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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