I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
did i walk over a car last night?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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