4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
