The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
