i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
