Where did you get a picture of my penis
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
