i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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