I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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