There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
