That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
