it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
