im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
50% drunk capacity currently
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
