He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
