I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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