theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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