No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
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Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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