The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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