College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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