Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
In America we eat man semen.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
