just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
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