he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
