Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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