Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
