You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
