dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I want a musical about memes.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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