The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
