I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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