if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
