I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
