Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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