Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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