Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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