And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
