And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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