Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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