So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
