No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
