i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
