Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
