the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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