Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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