remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
