pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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