guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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