I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
