He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
