just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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