I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
