I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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