tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
