No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
