I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
