apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
