She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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