I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
