Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Its about making memories worth repressing
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
